- After the Honeymoon
. . . treating women in a hostile, aggressive or violent manner is predictive of relationship breakdown. Even in the absence of violence if one person is doing most of the giving in the relationship and the other person is doing most of the taking the costs of remaining in that relationship may be too high.
Promises to change have a use-by-date. Commitment to change and actually changing your attitudes and behaviours is the only way forward.
Doing the wrong thing doesn’t necessarily mean you are a bad person but your behaviour is bad and you must change that.
Feelings drive our behaviour but many abusive men are so out of touch with their feelings that they genuinely believe they are calm one moment and a raging tyrant the next.
If you use put-downs you may gain power over the other person who may then do as you say but its like building a house on unstable ground with the risk that one day cracks will appear, walls will subside or crumble and finally it’s rendered unliveable and people move out.
Most men I see want a good relationship but insulting their partners achieves the opposite.
When you know that what you are doing is driving away the person you love, you will do what you can to become a better person.
There are good ways to deal with anger to get your point across and these will feel good to you, your partner and family. When anger is not curtailed it becomes the driver of abusive and violent behaviours.
It’s very likely that your life has been less successful than you had hoped it to be and this may have a lot to do with your damaging attitudes and behaviours. There is no reason to continue along the same destructive pathway.