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  • Robin Parry

Improving Your Communication style

In an earlier blog I talked about the importance of balancing the give and take in a relationship while realising that it is easier said than done especially if you generally fit in to keep the peace or if you are someone who ‘must win’ regardless. The following graph may help you to develop a more respectful communication style that is self-esteem building.

If you operate from a SELFLESS position you base your decisions on what others want from you. People tend to use selfless people and you then feel devalued and resentful with a corresponding loss of self-esteem.


Alternatively, if you operate from a SELFISH position you think only of yourself when making decisions and you drive people away. You might have got what you wanted but you will feel alone and unlovable with a corresponding loss of self-esteem.

We all need to operate from the SELF-CARING position where our decision making is based on both self and other, examples being: “I will whip down to pick up your dry cleaning while you bath the kids,” or “I’m fine with you watching the footy match tonight because I can watch my show tomorrow,” or “I’m not able to do that today but I can help out next Thursday afternoon for a couple of hours.” In all these situations you are considering both self and other and you will feel more confident and worthy with a corresponding rise in self-esteem.

Be mindful though that when you change the way you communicate there will be a push against you especially if others are used to getting you to do what they want. Also, you may be less popular for a while but ultimately you will regain their respect, even if it’s grudgingly given.

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